And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I want to have your abortion
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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