The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
