We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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