Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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