Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
