I love black thongs
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
they need to just BURY HIM!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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