I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
