Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
