my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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