This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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