Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am mentally ready for anal.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
