I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
