Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
