I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
