so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
