I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
