I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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