so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
