Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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