it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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