I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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