He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
