so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize