I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
