So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
