You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
