so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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