Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
