its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
