It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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