At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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