Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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