I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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