my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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