I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
