Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
