well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
