all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
