she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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