fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
