In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
