yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Say something about gay babies.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
