Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
porn star boner night. come get it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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