her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
