dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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