I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
