I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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