Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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