You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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