Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
