Where did you get a picture of my penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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