I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
