wat bout pragnant strippers??
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
