She said her name was "party"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
