All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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