and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
