adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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