i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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