alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
