Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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