I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
