I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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