i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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