I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
