Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
