Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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