Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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