; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
