how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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