one might say we're banned from that church
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
