god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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