he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
