First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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