they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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