I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
