Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
