The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
